I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
