What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
