if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
