I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
