i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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