This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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