If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
