Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
