you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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