this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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