this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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