i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
