He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
