The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
