Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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