I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
