if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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