Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
