I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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