ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
