bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
