you guys were way drunker than both of me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
