i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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