Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
