My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
