Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
