Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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