are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
