I wish I could teleport
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
