This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
