You're completely useless in the revolution.
the condom got lost in my hair
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
