is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
