Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
