Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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