i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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