I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
