i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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