why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
