Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
