we have officially lost it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
