Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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