I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
tell me about the fingering
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