Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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