I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
