just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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