My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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