I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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