i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
