Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
