well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
