I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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