yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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