dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
