My nipple is on Facebook.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
